You’re probably feeling alone. You have no one to turn to, no one you can explain your situation to. You lock yourself in a metaphorical box, hidden away from the world because you feel like you aren’t good enough. At some point, everyone has been there but only some of those people can overcome it. The rest of you bottle up your emotions so much that at one point you’ve filled the bottle too high and all those emotions come bursting out at once. Some even have bursts of rage that they can’t control. And this can come from anything. It could be Depression, PTSD, Aspergers’ Syndrome, Autism, Anxiety etc.
I can say I have one of these, but I’ve chosen to never tell anyone out of fear that one day they’ll leave me. I can trust my family, but even then I struggle to tell them how I feel. I have my friends, but what exactly can I tell them? I have the words in my mouth but I never actually tell anybody. I have my first crush in Primary School, but fuck that I’m not going to tell her because what exactly can I say? What can I say to a girl that’s way out of my league in the first place? But she’s in the past now. I’ve moved onto someone else. I’m in High School now and growing hormones are everywhere. There are lads crushing on girls, girls crushing on boys and so on and so forth; yet I still keep my mouth shut because I don’t have the words to say it. Now we’re in College and University and yet I still can’t say anything because of the one thing I believe holds me back… Aspergers’.
Every single Disorder has it’s strengths. Mine just happens to give me Social Anxiety, Lack of Confidence in practically anything, the odd fit of Rage over the smallest thing like accidentally stubbing my toe or dropping a TV remote and it hasn’t broken. Then there’s my case of the OCD. Did you know that at a certain point on the Bus I have to play a certain song at a certain time because I don’t like it overlapping? Yup, curious case of OCD there. Even around people I’ve always felt so isolated because there’s things I don’t want to tell them…
But things can change!
Sure enough it won’t go away but even so it’s not good to bottle it up. Talk to people. Let them know what’s going on because you shouldn’t do it alone. Doing it alone will just lead to more bottling until you can’t handle it anymore and you take it out on yourself or your loved ones. I know it’s not fair that you have what you have. I’ve been telling myself this my whole life and it’s been getting me nowhere. This may seem like shitty advice but the only thing you can do is share what you have. I can thank people from College and University from opening my eyes. I’m just one step closer every time to pushing away my social anxiety. Sure I have other things to work on but I don’t want to degrade myself any further by pushing them away. I’ve grown to care for these people because they don’t see a lonely person who just wants others to stay away so that they can hide in a corner. They don’t see someone whose so bottled up that they would explode in a fit of rage and tears should they hide away for too long. What they see in me is a fun-loving, Happy-Go-Lucky and friendly ginger guy who is just out to have a bit of fun and make friends. I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone to do this and I think you should too. It may not even be Social Anxiety. You may worry about your appearance or how others perceive you. Well FUCK THEM THEN!! They don’t dictate your life. Your appearance shouldn’t matter, no matter how you look, feel, speak, think. People may not understand us because of how we are, but that’s ok. We can make them understand with one simple task.
I have a task for you all- look in the mirror, tell yourself I Am Me. If you see this post at all I want you to create an image/video and post it onto literally ANYTHING! Facebook, Twitter, Instagram you name it! Take a risk and step outside your comfort zone! Because you shouldn’t feel down about yourself. You shouldn’t let yourself be swept up by insecurities, disorders, weight problems, looks. Because it’s what’s inside you that counts and it’s what you do that defines you. At the end of the day, you’re just as normal as anyone else, despite what they think.
My name is Lukas Harrison, and I have Asperger’s Syndrome. And I don’t care what anybody else thinks because I Am Me, and that shouldn’t matter to anyone else. I have a loving family whom I can talk to. I have friends who care about me that I can look to for support should I just ask it. If i’m ever down, I can turn to them in my time of need.
Just do that one simple task- Look in the mirror, and tell yourself I Am Me.